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You and I, we'll create history.
Just ordered these lovelies from tobi.com. The last ones in my size. I call it destiny. My wallet calls it a catastrophe. Nonetheless, this could possibly be my best buy this entire spring. I could see myself rocking the streets of Amsterdam or Paris in these. Ohh see where this is headed? I'm going to travel the world. All thanks to these shoes.. This can't possibly be a catastrophe.
27.03.2013
Bara några dagar kvar nu. Sen är det vår.
Stirrar tomt på skärmen. Försöker sätta ord på mina frenetiska tankar som kretsar runt runt inuti. Försöker minnas allt som händer. Alla fina stunder, meningar och långa blickar. För det händer så mycket just nu.
För en mental dagbok som konstant fylls av sidor. Sidor där jag noterat allt, vill inte glömma. Sidor som, om jag skulle placera dem bredvid varandra, skulle räcka många mil.
Det händer så mycket och jag hamnar i en skrämmande identitetskris. Vem är jag vad är jag VAD VILL JAG. Med mitt liv. Blir så in i helsikes pirrig när du ler, men fan, det står ju ingenstans i min kalender.
Men snart glänser solen.
WARNING: DO NOT SKYPE ME
Last night, I decided to skype with a friend to do some serious talking. Turns out, I was incapable of performing this action. I'm a terrible, terrible friend.
On another note, right this moment I'm getting hyped - with the help of music - about cleaning. When one's house looks like a shithole, cleaning is something to get hyped about. Whitney Houston's "I wanna dance with somebody" couldn't possibly be more convenient. Who wouldn't take the chance to invite this fine young lady to a dance?
Laterz xx
10AM, Gare du Nord.
but damnit, i'm calling you mine
May 11th aka Doomsday
http://pinterest.com/pin/9218374209335594/
this will be me in exactly fifty-eight days around 3pm. Except possibly not as elegant. to put it in more simple terms: I just signed up to voluntarily jump out of a plane at 4000 meters like a damn lunatic. I'M EMBRACING YOUTH. What's the right description of this again? Oh right, #YOLO
Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.
I thought I'd make a post on a topic that has been occupying my mind a lot lately - health.
I've been more or less fit my entire life, I've done gymnastics since I was four, I've never had any weight problems and I've been a vegetarian and aware of what I choose to eat since I was 11. the one thing that has taken its toll on me the past few years - as for thousands of people out there - is the mental aspect of it all. Recognise yourself? Yeah, I thought so. I've tried diet after diet, worked out more than what is healthy for my body, and punished myself when I've done 'something wrong' or skipped a workout. In early 2010, I was 16 years old and getting ready to go to Hawaii with other exchange students for a one-week holiday. I was so concerned about my weight and wearing a bikini in front of 40 other people that I only drank water the days before my departure, to suffocate my stomach rumbling as a result of eating too little. there was a point when my host mother sat down with me at the kitchen table and said to me that, "Jenni, if you don't start eating now, we're going to have to send you home." Unfortunately not even that was a wake-up call for me.
Hawaii, January 2010. 50 kg.
When I look back at these times, I think to myself: Why did I put myself through this hell? I couldn't look in the mirror and see myself for the beautiful, young girl I was. For such a long time it has not only affected how I perceive myself physically, but also my self-esteem and, basically, my entire person. I wish I could meet my younger self and tell her that she is fine just the way she is, and that nobody will notice if you had two cookies instead of one.
It's not until just recently that I've noticed changes in myself. It is as if all these self-doubts have paved way for a me that looks upon herself with pride, as my own role model. After new years, I started training with a new gymnastics team 6 hours/week, a lot more than I'd been training before. At the same time, I started to become surrounded by people who live and breathe health, who have inspired me to do the same. I've begun to take care of my body more, and it's all coming naturally to me. I make conscious choices that - day by day - make me a better person, inward and out. My older sister, Anna, got herself a treadmill and all of a sudden she is up and running 4 days a week, too, and I can see how much she's changed only from running a few miles per day. It is like magic, as if we both had it in us this whole time, and just now was the right time to give up on previous mistakes and just go. Obviously we all have our bad days, but I'd like to say they exist to make the next day even greater.
Me posing 'half-nude' with a friend of mine, February 2013. I can honestly look at myself now
and say, 'DAMN GURL!!!!'
the ultimate lesson I have learned through years of low self-doubt and getting back on my feet is that you are who you choose to be. It is not about the way others see you, but how you see yourself. I'm not saying the evil demons inside of my mind have completely gone away yet, but at least now I can say I've started learning how to fight them and become a stronger person one step at a time. You learn to love yourself with time, someone once said to me.
Well, let's just say that time is now.
2013 is going to be my year.