Healing is a matter of time, but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.

I thought I'd make a post on a topic that has been occupying my mind a lot lately - health.

I've been more or less fit my entire life, I've done gymnastics since I was four, I've never had any weight problems and I've been a vegetarian and aware of what I choose to eat since I was 11. the one thing that has taken its toll on me the past few years - as for thousands of people out there - is the mental aspect of it all. Recognise yourself? Yeah, I thought so. I've tried diet after diet, worked out more than what is healthy for my body, and punished myself when I've done 'something wrong' or skipped a workout. In early 2010, I was 16 years old and getting ready to go to Hawaii with other exchange students for a one-week holiday. I was so concerned about my weight and wearing a bikini in front of 40 other people that I only drank water the days before my departure, to suffocate my stomach rumbling as a result of eating too little. there was a point when my host mother sat down with me at the kitchen table and said to me that, "Jenni, if you don't start eating now, we're going to have to send you home." Unfortunately not even that was a wake-up call for me.

 

Hawaii, January 2010. 50 kg.

When I look back at these times, I think to myself: Why did I put myself through this hell? I couldn't look in the mirror and see myself for the beautiful, young girl I was. For such a long time it has not only affected how I perceive myself physically, but also my self-esteem and, basically, my entire person. I wish I could meet my younger self and tell her that she is fine just the way she is, and that nobody will notice if you had two cookies instead of one.

It's not until just recently that I've noticed changes in myself. It is as if all these self-doubts have paved way for a me that looks upon herself with pride, as my own role model. After new years, I started training with a new gymnastics team 6 hours/week, a lot more than I'd been training before. At the same time, I started to become surrounded by people who live and breathe health, who have inspired me to do the same. I've begun to take care of my body more, and it's all coming naturally to me. I make conscious choices that - day by day - make me a better person, inward and out. My older sister, Anna, got herself a treadmill and all of a sudden she is up and running 4 days a week, too, and I can see how much she's changed only from running a few miles per day. It is like magic, as if we both had it in us this whole time, and just now was the right time to give up on previous mistakes and just go. Obviously we all have our bad days, but I'd like to say they exist to make the next day even greater.

 

Me posing 'half-nude' with a friend of mine, February 2013. I can honestly look at myself now

and say, 'DAMN GURL!!!!'

 

the ultimate lesson I have learned through years of low self-doubt and getting back on my feet is that you are who you choose to be. It is not about the way others see you, but how you see yourself. I'm not saying the evil demons inside of my mind have completely gone away yet, but at least now I can say I've started learning how to fight them and become a stronger person one step at a time. You learn to love yourself with time, someone once said to me.

Well, let's just say that time is now.

 

 

 

2013 is going to be my year.

 

Så jävla bra inlägg, Jënni. För varje negativ tanke som man tänker om sig själv ska man genast komma på fem positiva tankar om sig själv.

Sedan detta med hälsa. Att det kan gå till det extrema, som det gjorde för dig när ni skulle till Hawaii. Jag tror att man måste lära sig själv att lyssna både på sitt mentala tillstånd och sin kropp. Då kan man göra bra beslut som är hälsosamma, och inte för mycket liksom.

Du är en vacker person, Jënni. Både på in- och utsidan!!!

"You learn to love yourself with time, someone once said to me. Well, let's just say that time is now." <3 <3 <3